Strengthen Your Self Esteem…TODAY

Strengthen Your Self Esteem…TODAY

            You can potentially improve your self esteem almost immediately without doing anything physically different.  A first step is to recognize and properly credit yourself for some things you are already doing.  There may be tens, if not hundreds of decisions you’re making in a day’s time that you don’t even realize you’re making.  For example, choosing your route to work is a decision.  Choosing whether or not you walk through the produce section or the deli first when entering the grocery store is a decision.  Deciding whether to turn on the television or music is a decision.  Deciding when and what to say to your significant other or children…all decisions you make.

            The key is to recognize that these decisions are pending BEFORE you make them and to give yourself credit AFTER you make them.  A good way to start is to begin the day by setting a goal.  Try to set a goal of making ten to twenty conscious and purposeful decisions.  Keep it simple to start.  Which way to turn when driving, what’s for lunch and a few things you think of in advance that you would like to say to people you know.  By the time you go to bed that same night, you will have consciously and subconsciously acknowledged that you exerted some control or influence over your life that day.  A greater sense of influence over what happens to you in life can bolster your self esteem and confidence.

            If you repeat this simple exercise for a week, you will have thought through and acknowledged fifty to a hundred decisions.   As you begin to recognize more opportunities for daily decision making, it will become easier for you to make and take credit for decisions that you are proud of or make you feel good about yourself…and maybe rethink some that do the opposite.  Making decisions you feel good about can be huge boosts to your self esteem and confidence.  Forming a daily habit of being more conscious in your decision making is not only a great form of strengthening your self esteem but can also help you see more ways to have a greater sense of purpose in your daily living.

Self Esteem

Self Esteem 

            When you hear the words “self esteem” you may associate them with something bad, something broken or missing.  Try to think of your self esteem in terms of a group of muscles.  In your physical body, your “core” muscles are the muscles in the mid section of your body and are used in almost all physical activity.  It would be nearly impossible to support your own body weight or someone else’s without strength in your core muscles.  Think of your self esteem as core muscles for your mental and spiritual body.

            When challenges confront you in your life, it is this muscle group that will allow you to push, pull or lift yourself over whatever hurdle you face.  Likewise, you may need these same muscles to push, pull or lift someone out of hole in their life.  Your self esteem is not only engaged in times of crisis however.  Your self esteem is at the core of everyday living.  Your self esteem is at the root of how you feel about yourself.  How you feel about yourself is at the root of your self-confidence.  Your self-confidence is at the root of what you believe you are capable of in life as well as what you believe you deserve in life.

            Not only does your self esteem affect your life but potentially the lives of others as well.  The way you feel about yourself and your beliefs about what you deserve can be at the very heart of how you go about choosing your mate.  Likewise, these same feelings and beliefs can play a major role in the health of your relationships.  In other words, your self esteem can play a major role in building and maintaining happiness in your life.  Do not be afraid to spend some time assessing the condition of your self esteem…or more simply, spend a little time thinking about how you feel about yourself.

            More accurately pinpointing where you are will help you better determine how to get where you want to go.

Fear or Curiosity?

Fear or Curiosity?

          Mysteries, unknown circumstances, unfamiliar people and unfamiliar surroundings can often make us uncomfortable.  Sometimes being mystified or experiencing something new can arouse our curiosity.  Curiosity can sometimes motivate us to desire to discover…to learn more about the things before us that we have not seen.  Often times however, the unknown and uncertainty can provoke fear.   We tend to be afraid of things we don’t understand.  Opting for the comfort zone, we usually choose the things and situations we know and are familiar with over what is unfamiliar.  While caution is prudent, fear can be irrational.   Fear can limit discovery.  Discovery of ourselves and the world around us.

             For a child, everything is new.  Everything is a wonder when you see it for the first time, feel it for the first time and experience it for the first time.  That’s why kids ask so many questions.  Children have to make the same decisions.  Do I turn away from something foreign to me?  This makes me uncomfortable…is it good or bad?  Encourage their questions.  Foster their curiosity.  Help them have new experiences and explorations.  Most of all help them develop the habit of being guided by their curiosity and need to discover.  The alternative is to be guided and controlled by fear.  Fear is a habit that can put profound limitations on a person’s life.  Fear builds walls around you and holds you captive.  No one who is supposed to be free should live in a cell.  Especially a child.

Build Yourself Up

Here are some subjects worth thinking about today.

Courage.  Live from the inside out.  Don’t look for blame and responsibility in the people and situations around you.  All your circumstances are created from within and manifested by your decision making.  Trust your intuition and your heart.  Have the courage and strength to follow them.  Some people choose to “go with the flow” in life.  Remember…if you “go with the flow” then you can’t be upset when you end up somewhere you don’t want to be.  You chose it.  Otherwise, you must have the courage to make decisions all day every day.  Big decisions and little decisions…they are all the same.  “Where do I want to live?” is no different than “Where do I want to eat lunch?”  Participate and think through all the decisions in your day and in your life.  The more decisions that you consciously make, the more your life is driven by purpose.  DO…just DO.  Don’t live inside your head.  Don’t let emotions or habits take over your decision making.  Get outside your comfort zone sometimes and get into it!!!!  Comfort zones can protect us and keep us safe…so can cages!  Kick the door open and get out there and start pulling the trigger.  I don’t mean jumping off cliffs…just take charge of your decision making.

Faith.  Believe in yourself.  God put his trust in you and gave you the keys to your life.  If God Himself can trust you to guide your life why can’t you?  Always be positive and optimistic.  It is easy to be positive and optimistic when things are going well.  The true rewards are reserved for those who have the strength to be positive and optimistic when the chips are down.  Believe this:  the more you believe in an outcome, the greater it’s likelihood of occurrence.  If you “assume the worst” then guess what’s going to happen?  If you are “realistic” and temper your expectations then guess what’s going to happen?  ALWAYS believe in the positive outcome.  DO NOT DOUBT YOURSELF!  The world is filled with people who are glad to doubt you, who are glad to see you fall.  Don’t be one of them!  We are magnets in life.  We attract the things we believe in the most.  It’s not enough to just wish and hope.  You have to first BELIEVE and then work hard to make it happen.

Be careful what you wish and pray for.  All prayers are answered.  If you pray for strength then you will be given an opportunity to be strong.  If you pray for wisdom then you will be given a test to learn from.  More specifically, if you pray for a relationship then you will have one.  If you pray for family or children then you will have them.  What you should pray for is love.  Pray to be loved by someone and pray to love someone.  Just be patient and hold out for someone who brings out the best in you and inspires you to bring out the best in them.  All the things you want will bloom from this.  But if you live in fear and live to avoid being alone…you will always have company.  And unfortunately bad company is ten times worse than being lonely.  If you want love…than have the courage to be alone and the strength to be patient enough for it to find you.

Self esteem.  Think of self esteem as the most important muscle in your body.  Only self esteem can carry you when pressure becomes too much to bear.  Only self esteem can lift you up over the hurdles in your path.  Like any muscle you must exercise to develop it.  Assess your self esteem daily and do specific things to make it stronger.  Don’t be negative.  Don’t beat yourself up.  Leave that to the rest of the world.  Think of only your positives.  Think only of the good things you do in life.  If there aren’t enough of those things to think about…then start creating them.  Even diet decisions can affect your self esteem.   Do SOMETHING today you can be proud of.  And then repeat that and similar things as often as possible.  Forgive yourself for the things you are not proud of and move forward.  If you drive through life looking backwards then you’re going to run into something.

“There is no need for a Plan B…it will only distract you from Plan A.”  Will Smith

Do The Math

            While math may not be a lot of people’s favorite subject, the following are a few examples of how understanding some simple math can have a huge positive impact on your life.  There are experts on the subject of the human brain that suggest we make anywhere from 2000 to 35000 decisions per day.  Decisions as simple as whether to turn right or left in the store, what outfit to wear all the way up to buying a house or getting married.  

            A great number of our decisions are made simply in reaction to something that has happened.  Being asked a question, getting hungry, financial crisis, etc. are a few examples of “events” that trigger a need for us to make a decision.  These decisions are very often driven by habit and/or emotion.  If you get hungry, you may have a habit of craving whatever tastes the best whether it is good for you or not.  If someone hurts your feelings, then your emotional response may be to “return fire” or beat yourself up.  Click here for more detailed examples of events and reaction.

            Let us pick an arbitrary number and assume that a human being makes only 2000 decisions per day.  Let us further assume that a few of these decisions are well thought out…what to include in a work proposal, the answer to an important question from a loved one, etc.   Most likely less than 20 of our daily decisions would fit this description, but rather, most of these decisions are made out of habit or emotion.  If this example were anywhere close to the truth, then well over 99% of our decision making would be done in a nearly unconscious or thoughtless manner.  If 99% of our decision making were done without conscious thought and without being driven by purpose wouldn’t it explain why we are often caught off guard and set back by undesired results and circumstances?

            Consider this:  Think back over the last two or three days of your life.  How many of the things you said and did were driven out of emotion or habit?  Did you say something because someone “pushed your buttons”?  Did you do something out of peer pressure?  Not do something because of fear?  Taking action or not taking action because you were just “going with the flow”? 

            What if as often as possible, each time an event occurred, that you were able to pause, think about the reaction that served you best, then acted or spoke?

            In other words, when you get hungry, as often as you can choose a meal that will make you healthier and feel good as opposed to giving into craving and just what tastes good.  (Click here for more specifics on good diet decision making)  When confronted, instead of saying whatever comes out of your mouth, you pause and say something that is in your best interest.  When deciding  how to spend some spare time you decide to spend the time in a way that helps you grow or makes you feel good about yourself as opposed to just doing whatever is easiest or “feels good”.

            What if you were able to raise the percentage of your decisions that were driven by purpose to a much higher one?

            If 25% of your decision making were driven by purpose would your life be better or worse?  What would 50% do for you?

If you are wanting change in your life but feel as though you don’t know where to start…consider this:
            Life is changed in the most profound manner one decision at a time.  Increase the odds in your favor!  As the percentage of purpose driven decisions rises the more favorable your results and circumstances will be.  Do the math!!!

Strength in Daily Living

The time in your day can flow like a river. You can easily let the current carry you along. This may be what people mean when they say just “go with the flow”. This strategy of handling interactions and events can be easy and less stressful than other methods. One potential risk however is that when “going with the flow”, you are subject to end up where ever the current carries you whenever it carries you there. One possible alternative is to swim. Swimming is more demanding than floating. You may sometimes feel as though you are swimming against strong current. No strategy of decision making and interacting is perfect. However, swimming may land you in a more desired place more often. Ask yourself this question. Do you often pass the time in your day or large portions of it by simply reacting, sleep walking or otherwise conducting your actions and interactions with very little conscious decision making?

For example, when someone asks us a question or makes a statement to us we often react by saying the first thing that comes to mind without thinking. When we hear things or see things we often simply react with sounds and expressions of our own without a single thought. Often times our actions and responses just come from habits, conditioning or emotion instead of purpose. We have a certain reaction to an event because that’s the reaction we were taught or we’ve always done it that way. If someone says a derogatory remark to me my habit may be to get down on myself or to get mad or to get even. I may not choose that path because it’s best for me I may choose it because I learned it or formed a habit of it and no longer even think about it.

A child asks a dad a question while the dad is watching a ball game. The dad will answer without thinking in order to quickly eliminate the distraction. The dad in this example does not realize that every question from a child is an attempt on the child’s part to reach out. A parent should see every such event as an opportunity. An opportunity to teach, guide or set an example. Likewise, in general, when we are in the presence of others there are opportunities happening every second. Opportunities to create or change the perception people have of us. These events are opportunities we could use to encourage others or be a positive influence on them.

What if we chose our words, chose our steps and even chose the expressions on our faces more often? It is possible that if more of our actions, reactions and interactions were driven by purpose that we then would have greater influence over the direction our life takes. We could have greater influence over others and how they see us. We could have greater influence over how we feel about ourselves. How much would the quality of our relationships of all types improve if we were much more purposeful in our interactions with others? How much would our health improve if more conscious decision making were involved in what we put in our bodies and what we do to them? Without deeper thought, the events in our lives and our reactions to them could just be lost opportunities that pass without us even noticing. Driven by purpose, our reactions to the events in our lives could sum up over time to greatly increase the influence we have over our own lives and everything in them.

The biggest challenge among many with this strategy is the strength required. Floating can be effortless but swimming requires strength and stamina. Like anything else requiring such attributes practice is required. But what muscles need to be strengthened? How do I strengthen mental and spiritual muscles? How and where do I practice?

Click any one of the following links for some simple examples of where and how to address these questions in areas that may be of particular interest to you.

Click here for more examples of events and reactions and further simplification of the idea of purpose driven reactions.

Events and Reactions

               Anything we can see or hear is an event.  Likewise, anything we say or do is an event not only for us but for others.  Anything we say or do in response to an event is a reaction.  From as simple as rolling your eyes to as obvious as a verbal outburst, every response we have is a reaction.  The following is a typical sequence where the events are followed by reactions that are driven by emotion:

 

                              Event                              Reaction

Comment from Someone                             Take it personal/feel bad about yourself               

Manager scolds you                                      Pouting or visible anger/sadness

Significant other hurts you                            Purposely return fire and hurt them back

Subordinate disappoints you                        Scold them

               The following are examples of sequences in which the reactions are driven by habit:

                        Event                                                  Reaction

Get Hungry                                                       Eat something of poor quality that tastes good

An unexpected expense                                 Stress or anger

Emphatic request from a child                       Grant the request to sooth the child

Emotional outburst from a mate                   Match his or her emotion with your                              (Crying, yelling, bad mood, etc)                      own or suppress your emotion completely

               There are millions more examples of events and reactions.  Just remember, anything you see or hear is an event and anything you say or do is a reaction.  No matter how insignificant the event may seem to you, it is an event none the less.
              Now…let us consider a better alternative.  What if we were, as often as possible, able to insert conscious thought and purpose in the middle of the above illustrated sequence?  Now the picture could look like this: 

         Event                Conscious Thought/Purpose                 Reaction

Get hungry         Decide health is more important than taste           Over rule taste buds/decide to                                                                                                                    eat a healthy meal

Manager scolds you         Consider that being over emotional          Stay focused and                                          and under-performing could result in         work harder than                                           further damage to your career path            ever for your own                                         subsequently hurt you financially                 sake                                                             over the long term