Events and Reactions

               Anything we can see or hear is an event.  Likewise, anything we say or do is an event not only for us but for others.  Anything we say or do in response to an event is a reaction.  From as simple as rolling your eyes to as obvious as a verbal outburst, every response we have is a reaction.  The following is a typical sequence where the events are followed by reactions that are driven by emotion:

 

                              Event                              Reaction

Comment from Someone                             Take it personal/feel bad about yourself               

Manager scolds you                                      Pouting or visible anger/sadness

Significant other hurts you                            Purposely return fire and hurt them back

Subordinate disappoints you                        Scold them

               The following are examples of sequences in which the reactions are driven by habit:

                        Event                                                  Reaction

Get Hungry                                                       Eat something of poor quality that tastes good

An unexpected expense                                 Stress or anger

Emphatic request from a child                       Grant the request to sooth the child

Emotional outburst from a mate                   Match his or her emotion with your                              (Crying, yelling, bad mood, etc)                      own or suppress your emotion completely

               There are millions more examples of events and reactions.  Just remember, anything you see or hear is an event and anything you say or do is a reaction.  No matter how insignificant the event may seem to you, it is an event none the less.
              Now…let us consider a better alternative.  What if we were, as often as possible, able to insert conscious thought and purpose in the middle of the above illustrated sequence?  Now the picture could look like this: 

         Event                Conscious Thought/Purpose                 Reaction

Get hungry         Decide health is more important than taste           Over rule taste buds/decide to                                                                                                                    eat a healthy meal

Manager scolds you         Consider that being over emotional          Stay focused and                                          and under-performing could result in         work harder than                                           further damage to your career path            ever for your own                                         subsequently hurt you financially                 sake                                                             over the long term