Self Esteem

Self Esteem 

            When you hear the words “self esteem” you may associate them with something bad, something broken or missing.  Try to think of your self esteem in terms of a group of muscles.  In your physical body, your “core” muscles are the muscles in the mid section of your body and are used in almost all physical activity.  It would be nearly impossible to support your own body weight or someone else’s without strength in your core muscles.  Think of your self esteem as core muscles for your mental and spiritual body.

            When challenges confront you in your life, it is this muscle group that will allow you to push, pull or lift yourself over whatever hurdle you face.  Likewise, you may need these same muscles to push, pull or lift someone out of hole in their life.  Your self esteem is not only engaged in times of crisis however.  Your self esteem is at the core of everyday living.  Your self esteem is at the root of how you feel about yourself.  How you feel about yourself is at the root of your self-confidence.  Your self-confidence is at the root of what you believe you are capable of in life as well as what you believe you deserve in life.

            Not only does your self esteem affect your life but potentially the lives of others as well.  The way you feel about yourself and your beliefs about what you deserve can be at the very heart of how you go about choosing your mate.  Likewise, these same feelings and beliefs can play a major role in the health of your relationships.  In other words, your self esteem can play a major role in building and maintaining happiness in your life.  Do not be afraid to spend some time assessing the condition of your self esteem…or more simply, spend a little time thinking about how you feel about yourself.

            More accurately pinpointing where you are will help you better determine how to get where you want to go.

Fear or Curiosity?

Fear or Curiosity?

          Mysteries, unknown circumstances, unfamiliar people and unfamiliar surroundings can often make us uncomfortable.  Sometimes being mystified or experiencing something new can arouse our curiosity.  Curiosity can sometimes motivate us to desire to discover…to learn more about the things before us that we have not seen.  Often times however, the unknown and uncertainty can provoke fear.   We tend to be afraid of things we don’t understand.  Opting for the comfort zone, we usually choose the things and situations we know and are familiar with over what is unfamiliar.  While caution is prudent, fear can be irrational.   Fear can limit discovery.  Discovery of ourselves and the world around us.

             For a child, everything is new.  Everything is a wonder when you see it for the first time, feel it for the first time and experience it for the first time.  That’s why kids ask so many questions.  Children have to make the same decisions.  Do I turn away from something foreign to me?  This makes me uncomfortable…is it good or bad?  Encourage their questions.  Foster their curiosity.  Help them have new experiences and explorations.  Most of all help them develop the habit of being guided by their curiosity and need to discover.  The alternative is to be guided and controlled by fear.  Fear is a habit that can put profound limitations on a person’s life.  Fear builds walls around you and holds you captive.  No one who is supposed to be free should live in a cell.  Especially a child.

Events and Reactions

               Anything we can see or hear is an event.  Likewise, anything we say or do is an event not only for us but for others.  Anything we say or do in response to an event is a reaction.  From as simple as rolling your eyes to as obvious as a verbal outburst, every response we have is a reaction.  The following is a typical sequence where the events are followed by reactions that are driven by emotion:

 

                              Event                              Reaction

Comment from Someone                             Take it personal/feel bad about yourself               

Manager scolds you                                      Pouting or visible anger/sadness

Significant other hurts you                            Purposely return fire and hurt them back

Subordinate disappoints you                        Scold them

               The following are examples of sequences in which the reactions are driven by habit:

                        Event                                                  Reaction

Get Hungry                                                       Eat something of poor quality that tastes good

An unexpected expense                                 Stress or anger

Emphatic request from a child                       Grant the request to sooth the child

Emotional outburst from a mate                   Match his or her emotion with your                              (Crying, yelling, bad mood, etc)                      own or suppress your emotion completely

               There are millions more examples of events and reactions.  Just remember, anything you see or hear is an event and anything you say or do is a reaction.  No matter how insignificant the event may seem to you, it is an event none the less.
              Now…let us consider a better alternative.  What if we were, as often as possible, able to insert conscious thought and purpose in the middle of the above illustrated sequence?  Now the picture could look like this: 

         Event                Conscious Thought/Purpose                 Reaction

Get hungry         Decide health is more important than taste           Over rule taste buds/decide to                                                                                                                    eat a healthy meal

Manager scolds you         Consider that being over emotional          Stay focused and                                          and under-performing could result in         work harder than                                           further damage to your career path            ever for your own                                         subsequently hurt you financially                 sake                                                             over the long term